Re-Framing the Heart of Feedback
Can you think of a time when your self-esteem smarted from negative feedback or maybe from well-intentioned but hurtful feedback? Given an option, most of us would likely skip the experience altogether.
As a leader, we sometimes put off giving feedback, for fear of doing it wrong. The result often means no feedback at all, and in the pain-filled words of Elizabeth, a passionate eleven-year old aspiring dancer, that is the saddest scenario of all.
Elizabeth’s story about feedback gave me this “Aha!” moment some years ago as both a parent and as a department leader. Picking her up after a much anticipated special dance class taught by an acclaimed prima ballerina, I was puzzled by her unusual silence. When pressed, she admitted that she had not received any “corrections”.
“But that’s a good thing, right?” I suggested warily, to which she promptly burst into tears.
“But you don’t understand! I want to be a dancer! If I don’t get corrections, I can’t improve. She didn’t correct me because she didn’t see any potential in me! She couldn’t be bothered. She didn’t even notice me.” As a parent, all I could do was stop the car and hold her tight.
As a leader, I had to stop and think about how I gave difficult and corrective feedback to my own employees. What messages did I send that showed I saw potential in them and cared about their growth? What was I doing to show them that I noticed what they did and that I believed in them? What was my organization doing to help me build and nurture an environment of trust so that I could safely give “corrective” feedback — the kind that my young dancer felt was so important?
What if feedback could be as pure of purpose as Elizabeth believed it should be? I hope you’ll follow my series below as I share some thoughts on how we can take the initiative to re-frame the heart of feedback so that it delivers a positive experience for all.
Elizabeth’s Story 1.1 The Art of Giving Feedback
Elizabeth’s Story 1.2 The Art of Receiving Feedback
Elizabeth’s Story 1.3 The Trust Environment
Elizabeth’s Story 1.4 Coaching Can Help
Warm Regards,
Ida Kmiec, Professional Coach
